didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My cat gives me a boner
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
