exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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