he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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