At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
