Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
