I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I understand Curling. That high.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
