We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
