i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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