I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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