all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
as a side note pls kill me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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