I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize