if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
