I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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