I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
