Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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