How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
