i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
