Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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