is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
