Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
