maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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