i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
