she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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