My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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