I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
