What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
