He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
