Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
