Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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