im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
