i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
