Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
