Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
that may or may not have been my penis.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
