either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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