Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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