New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
