i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
