Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
