Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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