i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
