Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
