Someone shit on the floor
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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