I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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