You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
