So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
