i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am one with the molecules
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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