I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
