Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
