i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize