Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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