Michael Bay diarrhea
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
