beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am available for nakedness
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
