Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
