Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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