SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize