im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
