oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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