wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize