He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
