discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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