That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
