you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize