Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize