3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
