i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
