i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
