she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize