When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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