she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
