ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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