I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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