wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
